Back and Forth
by theblueeyedwanderer
Summary: The best Jedi duo in the galaxy tend to argue a lot as well. A collection of Anakin and Ahsoka's many disagreements, some serious and some not so much. Requests taken:)
1. Rain

If this battle didn't kill them both, so help him, he was going to kill Ahsoka himself.

She was so similar to him, too similar sometimes, and it drove him crazy. She questioned everything, talked back to him constantly whether she meant to be petulant or not, and chose not to listen to half of his orders. Today was no different.

"Ahsoka!" he yelled as he spun and cut a droid in half. He could barely make out the top of her head as she plowed on ahead through the battlefield, his vision obscured by the pouring rain that was bucketing the planet at the moment. The mud was treacherous and the air frigid. Many of the clones were slipping and having trouble aiming. It was definitely not what he'd planned—it was a slight disaster. She was supposed to stay _right next to him,_ as he had _very clearly stated_ _ **,**_ but per the usual she had come up with her own ideas.

"Master, let me go on ahead!" she'd shouted over the storm. "I can make it into the base!"

"Not an option, Snips," he said sharply as he deflected a blaster shot. "Splitting up in conditions like this is a bad idea. Plus, we planted—"

"No, it isn't! What choice do we have? They won't notice!" And with that, she'd pushed past a few clones and run off.

"Ahsoka, wait!" Gritting his teeth in frustration, Anakin pushed back his concern and attempted to control his anger. " _Ahsoka_!" he shouted again, but if she heard him she didn't acknowledge it. They weren't overrun, yet, but Separatist base under siege was more heavily armed than they'd anticipated. The two Jedi and the clones were locked in heavy combat, the fight teetering in between the armies—one wrong move could shift the advantage to the other side in an instant. He had no choice but to stay where he was and assist the clones in their slow march forwards, hoping to the Force that Ahsoka didn't get shot down. The heavy artillery raining down from the fortress was taking out a significant number of clones and making the advance much harder. He didn't know quite what she had in mind, but he could only hope she didn't go inside. She had no idea.

Ahsoka darted in between droids, racing through the battle as adrenaline rushed through her. She lived for the feeling of fighting, of gambling her life in front of a bunch of stupid tinnies. _I can do this._ Get inside, take out the artillery. Save a lot of lives.

Staying locked in a slow-moving formation just wasn't the best option. She hadn't had time to convince Anakin, so she had made the choice herself. She could hear her Master shouting at her to come back, and she knew he was going to be mad, but that would have to be dealt with later. He would get over it once she saved the day. She knew she could do it.

The wind blew the rain down in freezing sheets that momentarily blinded her every once in a while. A few droids, desperate to not be cut down even after Ahsoka slashed their weapons, lunged at her and got lucky when they scratched skin or tore clothing. She couldn't tell what was blood or what was just the rain, but she pressed on. She _had_ to prove she could do these things herself and make the right call. She'd be the hero of the day.

Ahsoka was nearing the fortress, finally, and it loomed up in front of her like a titan. She scanned the architecture and zeroed in on where the heavy fire was coming from—she'd have to do some climbing.

A blaster shot missed her head by less than half an inch and she quickly cut down the droids around her. "Troopers! Cover me!"

It wasn't exactly a secret that she wasn't supposed to be up here, that she'd ditched her master, but the clones knew it was an order and accepted without question. A nervous feeling twisted in her gut, knowing that if they got hurt it would be on her.

 _I can't fail now._

Sprinting forward, she leaped up onto the face of the citadel and began making her ascent, the rugged building acting like a rock face with small ledges to grip. Fortunately she'd always been small and lithe, so fitting in these spaces and ducking for cover was easier than if Anakin or one of the troopers was doing it. Most of the Separatist troops hadn't noticed her yet, decreasing her chance of being shot and falling dead to the ground. A unfortunate way to die.

Heights had never really bothered Ahsoka—her first mission with Anakin had dissipated any fears she might have—but the rain made the surface slick and visibility pretty shitty. Not that she would use that language around any Jedi, but maybe a clone. Rex typically chuckled whenever she swore.

"You'd be laughing a lot if you could hear me now," Ahsoka muttered, followed by a string of expletives as her foot slipped. Clinging for dear life, she slammed into the wall and struggled to right herself. Almost there.

She moved up again before swinging up to the first platform, where a supertank that reminded her too much of the one she'd nearly died in on Geonosis sat, shooting down clones. She jumped on top and pried the cap open before dropping inside and eliminating the comically stupid battle droids, who shrieked in terror. Turning the guns on the Separatists, she took out several droids and cannons before moving on to the other tanks.

Ahsoka had taken out half a dozen tanks before she stopped to check on the battle progress. The winning side was beginning to shift to the Republic, and she could see Anakin's lightsaber slashing through the enemy. The remaining artillery was too high for her to climb up to and out of her reach—she'd have to get inside somehow. Ahsoka turned and forced her lightsaber into the wall, cutting a slow circle. Maybe she could find a generator or access to the weaponry to shut it down. Her comm beeped annoyingly, but she ignored it as she worked on her entry point.

Finally she ducked into an empty hallway, surprised to see most of the level empty. Where was everyone? Surely there were even more troops inside. She crept along the hallway, listening intently for electronic noise that would mean a control room.

This really wasn't that hard. Why was Anakin so against this again?

A deep rumble echoed from inside the building, growing closer. The floor beneath Ahsoka's feet trembled.

 _Oh._

Maybe because there were bombs inside.

 _"Shit."_

Ahsoka turned around so fast she nearly slipped, breaking into a sprint the way she'd came. So _that_ was what he had been trying to tell her. Why didn't he just tell her that plan in the first place? Granted, it was kind of her fault for going against orders, but she didn't _know_.

Her heart was beating rapidly as she stumbled to the laser-carved hole. Thirty feet, twenty feet, ten—

Another explosion, closer this time, rocked the foundation and threw Ahsoka to the ground. Yelling out in a mix of pain and swears, she scrambled to her feet and narrowly missed a chunk of falling ceiling. She remembered Obi-Wan saying to her once that when a building falls, it falls fast. There was probably some important moral Jedi lesson attached to that, but her brain couldn't find it at the moment because it was trying to process her imminent death.

 _Skyguy's going to kill me._

She made it out the door and to the ledge, but just as she was calculating how far the jump would be because she knew she had nowhere near enough time to climb back down, the shit really hit the fan.

The building exploded in grand-finale style, like the fireworks they released on important Senator's birthdays. Ahsoka half-jumped, half was catapulted into the air and thrown to the ground, debris raining down. It wasn't like little pieces of wood, either—they were chunks of cement and steel weighing thousands of pounds. She was inches away from being flattened.

Somehow she landed without breaking every bone in her body—maybe it wasn't as high as she thought. It definitely hurt and it took all her effort keep stumbling forward, but at least she was alive. The rain came down harder than ever, and she was shivering violently. Her whole body ached and stung.

The explosions stopped, and Ahsoka noted smugly that the debris had crushed most of the Seperatist army and the bombs had gutted the fortress. The dust mixed with the rain and she struggled to see, searching for Anakin. There was a good chance he'd been hurt or thought she was dead. But all she saw were clones…where was he? Had he gotten hurt trying to get her to come back?

"Commander Tano!" Rex was making his way towards her as the battle settled. "Are you alright, sir?"

"I—I'll be fine." Ahsoka tried to keep the shivering out of her voice. She broke into dusty coughs. "Where's Master Skywalker?"

"He was concerned about you. Good to see you're okay, kid. He's—ah. Here he comes." He bowed his head and nervously glanced behind her as he left quickly.

Ahsoka turned to find a very angry Anakin Skywalker marching towards her. Well, this would be interesting.

"What were you _thinking_?" he seethed. "You could've been killed! You ignored my orders!"

"I was _thinking_ I could take out the heavy machinery and help us win! It technically wasn't a direct order, just a plan—"

"Yes, and you don't always know all of the plan so you can't make rash decisions like that!"

"Why didn't you just tell me the whole plan?" she fired back. "It's not like I'm second-in-command here or anything!"

"Sometimes there isn't time to get all the details—"

"The _details_?" she exploded. "Like the kriffing _bombs_ set to blow the building to pieces?"

"You shouldn't have run off in the first place!" Anakin threw his hands up in frustration, and Ahsoka could feel what little control he had over his temper melt away. "You never listen to me! You aren't even a Jedi Knight yet and you think you know better than everyone here, do you know how immature and disrespectful that is? Not to mention dangerous—"

Ahsoka cringed and crossed her arms, trying not to shake from the cold and her scrapes. "You don't exactly listen to every order either—"

"For Force sake, Ahsoka, this is not about me! You realize you could get in serious trouble for this?"

" _I saved half of your lives_! I was trying to help, dammit!" she screamed, and he flinched, a brief flash of guilt passing over his soaking and tired visage. A twinge of regret went through her, knowing that if she had said that to anyone else she'd be questioned as an apprentice. It wasn't that she didn't respect him, but they were so similar and all his behaviors rubbed off on her in the worst ways. Butting heads like this during a mission wasn't unusual.

"Making your own calls in a situation like that isn't the way to do it." His face was hard, voice low now and jaw set. But Ahsoka could sense something else that seemed remarkably like worry in him. Worry for her? "Go get on the transports and cool off. It's time to get out of here."

Ahsoka stormed past him and made her way to the ship, thankful to be out of the rain. She sat on the floor and watched miserably as the clones loaded up. She was more affected by her master's words than she would have liked to admit. His approval meant everything to her, and she'd thought he would be proud of her in the long run, recognize her great idea and tell her it beat the Council's. It had happened before. Usually, it did. That was one of the best things about him—he didn't discount her ideas because she was a Padawan, but instead actually listened and used them.

Most of the time.

Now, she was stung and felt betrayed. He made a point to not even get on the same transport as she did, and the ride back to the ship was lonely and filled her with anxiety.

The transport docked, and Ahsoka nearly keeled over when she tried to stand up. Dizzied, she attempted to steady herself against the wall as her nausea passed and she stumbled out. Her head pounded and she still felt freezing even though the ship was usually warm. She had a few nasty gashes in her side that made her wince.

She shuffled over to the control room, where troops were gathering for a debrief and Obi-Wan was talking to them and Anakin. Everything was a blur and she didn't hear a word they said, completely zoned out until she felt a sharp nudge.

"Ahsoka!"

Startled, she turned to face her master, surprised to find not an angry face but a confused and concerned one. "What are you doing here?"

"What? I'm fine." She muttered, swaying a little.

"No," he said, pulling his cloak off and draping it around her shoulders, "you look like you're about to pass out and you're practically blue. You need to go to the medbay."

She made another attempt to shake her head, weakly, before he turned her around and began marching her there himself. "I can go myself!" she exclaimed irritably, trying to shove his hand away.

Anakin glared at her. "Come on, before I have to carry you."

"Don't you have to go file a report to the Council or something? Something under 'reckless and disobedient Padawan'?" Ahsoka snapped, pushing past him. "I don't need your help." She left him standing alone in the corridor, regretful.

Anakin got held up with Council calls in the main bay for what seemed like days; he paced impatiently while Master Windu droned on and Obi-Wan glared at him for his lapse in attention. He was not only worried about Ahsoka but conflicted and remorseful for how he'd treated her. Simply put, he panicked and took it out on her. Losing her wasn't something he wanted to even imagine, not to mention come close to witnessing. He'd hurt her, made her feel like her unbelievably courageous actions were foolish and a penalizing, shameful mistake.

An hour or two later, Anakin and Obi-Wan were dismissed and he hurriedly headed for the medbay. Ahsoka was sitting on a bed, bandaged up and shaken but looking considerably better, her chin tucked over her knees and a sullen look on her face. His cloak was still wrapped around her.

She glanced up in gloomy silence as he approached, preparing herself for his reprimands. But, to her surprise, they didn't come.

"I'm here to apologize," he stated softly, resting his hands on his hips, "for everything I said today. Maybe you didn't listen to the specific orders, but you made the smart call. The right one. There's a good chance that even with those bombs, we'd have lost too many men from that heavy machinery to win."

His Padawan knitted her eyebrows in thought but still didn't speak. He could sense her hurt and hesitancy.

Anakin sighed and cautiously sat next to her on the hospital bunk. "Look, Ahsoka, I wasn't mad at you for not listening. Okay, maybe a little. Mostly, I was really just upset because you almost got really hurt. You made a decision to save lives by risking yours, and I panicked because when I saw that explosion I thought you were gone. I…I thought you were going to die, and I just couldn't handle that. I yelled at you because I thought I lost you." His voice is raw and vulnerable, reminding Ahsoka of the previous times she'd almost died. It makes sense now, how furious he was at the battle. She should've known that was the reason—that Anakin Skywalker, one of the best Jedi alive, was far too attached to people.

But maybe she liked it that way.

Ahsoka cracked a smile and put her hand on his arm. "Hey. It's okay. I'm still here to annoy you, Skyguy."

He glanced sideways at her, and she finally saw his features relax. He grinned, and before she knew it he pulled her into a tight hug (sometimes his relieved hugs were slightly strangling, but she didn't mind). "You know, this cloak is pretty cozy. I might have to keep it just so you have to go through the annoyance of getting a new one."

He groaned. _"Ahsoka_. Obi-Wan will kill me! I've already lost, like, three lightsabers."

" _Three_?"

"Hey, the life of a brave Jedi is very chaotic."

"Right."

"It's true!" he protested petulantly.

"You're impossible!" she exclaimed, and their laughter echoed through the medbay and through the halls, causing Obi-Wan to stop and smile.

They sat, staring out the enormous window at the galaxy, Master and Padawan, inseparable.


	2. Secret

**Thank you so much to everyone who followed or reviewed! Here's a new chapter for you guys, and I will now be taking requests! I would love to hear what ideas you guys have, so please review what you'd like to see. Thanks and enjoy:-)**

Spying on her master was probably not a good idea.

Okay, it _wasn't_ a good idea, but she had already followed him out of the Temple and halfway through the city, so there was no point in turning back now. She was just curious—he was gone a lot at night these days, sometimes not for long and sometimes until the early morning. He would slip back into their quarters and quietly go back to his room, and Ahsoka would pretend she didn't see him.

It's not that she thought he was doing anything bad. She trusted him. But it was odd, his disappearances. And he wouldn't know she followed him; she would make sure of that. It wasn't hard to jump from rooftop to rooftop, scaling the upper levels up the buildings in Coruscant while he walked below. He seemed distracted, and had left in a hurry tonight, making more noise than usual. It was a wonder he never thought he would wake her up.

It was around midnight, and although the day had been long Ahsoka was left restless. She and Anakin had sat (or stood, more likely) through various Jedi Council meetings and Senate proceedings. Senator Amidala had spoken at it, and Ahsoka noticed that her master had paid more attention than usual and didn't look quite as miserably bored as he usually did. She had always liked Padme, and having multiple missions with her over the last year or so had strengthened the affinity even more so. Especially after nearly dying from the blue shadow virus together—near-death experiences really bring people together, Ahsoka thought dryly. Unlike many other senators, Padme was sincere and genuine. She also really seemed to care about Ahsoka, not regarding her as inferior or childish. She always greeted the Padawan and had normal conversations with her.

Ahsoka knew Anakin and the senator were close. She also knew that he looked at her with something other than friendship—Obi-Wan had probably noticed it too. Her master definitely had a crush on Padme, but Ahsoka had never mentioned it. It wasn't that big of a deal.

Well, she was not expecting her midnight-stalker adventure to lead her to the Senator's home.

She watched, eyes wide, as he glanced around surreptitiously before entering the towering, gleaming building. What was he doing here? He wasn't assigned to be her security this time, and there weren't any pressing diplomatic issues hanging in the air at the moment. The Senate meeting had been concluded today and most of the other senators were headed home.

Ahsoka waited a minute, debating. Before she knew it she was swinging down to ground level and entering the sliding glass doors. The guards, recognizing her and assuming she was with her master, nodded and she crept past them, heart pounding. She stopped outside the large kitchen and seating room in the dark hallway and listened intently. Yes, she felt a little bad. Getting caught now would be embarrassing, and he would be angry.

The voices were quiet, but her hearing was sharper than humans' and she caught most of it. Terms of endearment were definitely being exchanged…why? This was so incredibly bizarre.

"I missed you so much, Ani. I feel like I never see you anymore."

"I know. They've been keeping Ahsoka and I busy. The war's picking up."

"You two work so hard," Padme sighed. "Maybe one day…"

"After the war is over. We could…tell the Council, maybe. They might be okay with it."

"But not now," she said solemnly, not a question.

"They've been so strict recently. They would throw me out if they found out."

"Maybe not. You're one of the best there."

"Maybe not," he agreed, "but maybe. And I don't want to risk that or risk you. I don't want to put Ahsoka or Obi-Wan through that."

Ahsoka's head spun. So they were definitely a _thing_. But how _much_ of a thing? Just dating? Engaged? How long? Why hadn't Anakin trusted her with this information? She was relieved he wouldn't tell the Council until after the war and relieved he thought of her, but slightly stung that he had never told her anything. It's not like she was going to go run and tell Master Yoda, but she had to at least tell her master she knew and get some answers.

The conversation continued, but she had heard enough and knew she had to beat him back to their quarters. She stopped by the guards and gave them her best "innocent, cute little Padawan" impression. "My Master doesn't like when I'm out past curfew, but I just wanted to help make sure he reached the Senator safely and that nobody followed him. Could you, maybe, _not_ mention that I was here?" Add a little Force persuasion, and they smiled knowingly.

Ahsoka dashed out the door and down the streets, heart pounding. She had just discovered a secret that could get her master expelled from the order if anyone found out. A secret that he'd hidden from her. The Jedi Code required her to report it. The Jedi Code forbade attachments. Yet she knew Anakin was nearly equally attached to her, and her to him. She was probably guilty of forming attachments too. And he was _happy_. She saw how happy the Senator made him. Reporting it would shatter everything. She would lose her master.

No, reporting it wasn't even a possibility. She could never do that to Anakin or Padme and live with herself after.

But she did plan on getting what information she could.

—

For about a week, Ahsoka managed not to say anything. But she was antsy, and Anakin snuck out three more times. She didn't need to follow him anymore; she knew what he was up to now. But pretending like she _didn't_ know made her impatient. She hated playing dumb.

The following week, as they were getting ready to attend a Senate meeting (boooring), Anakin made some comment about Padme and her security.

Ahsoka suppressed a sly grin and casually said, "I wonder if Senator Amidala knows you have a crush on her?"

Anakin froze mid-sentence, stunned for a second. "I—ur—uh…" It was more panicked than she had anticipated, not embarrassment or annoyance. He took a deep breath and regained his composure. "Attachments are forbidden, Snips. I don't know where you got that idea. The Senator is a friend."

Ahsoka rolled her eyes with her back turned as she finished making her bed. A second lie, this one right to her face. "I mean, she's pretty. I can see—"

"Ahsoka, drop it, please." His voice was tight. "That's disrespectful to me and the Senator. You're accusing me of breaking the Code."

She had to stop herself from shouting _but you are_! "I apologize, Master." _For doing nothing wrong. For accepting your lies._ It hurt, knowing the truth. She wished that maybe she hadn't found out.

 _Nothing good ever happens after midnight,_ she thought ruefully.

She bit her tongue and followed him silently to the session, lost in thought. She barely noticed Anakin nudging her when it was finally done. She distractedly picked at her meal in the mess hall.

What should she do? She was so conflicted. Tell him and risk his further anger? Ruin his relationship and happiness by doing what she technically was required as a Jedi to do? Break the Code?

It wasn't until she went to visit Padme a few days later to deliver a message from the Council that her marriage suspicions were confirmed. She knocked gently on the open doorframe to announce her presence, and the senator whirled around, startled. Ahsoka saw her quickly and casually sweep a glint of metal off her left hand and stow it away.

"Ahsoka! You surprised me!" She looked flustered, and Ahsoka knew it had been a ring. She forced a smile and continued the entire visit like she hadn't seen anything. Like this news wasn't _a really big deal._

But she couldn't hold it in another week. She needed answers, needed an explanation, and was simmering in confusion and distress. The only place they were truly alone were their quarters, and that was where she spilled it as they were about to leave for breakfast.

"You've been awfully quiet recently, Snips. Something on your mind?" he asked, pulling his gloves on.

Ahsoka scoffed as she belted her lightsabers. "That's funny you should ask. Yes, actually." Her stiff tone made him stop and look at her.

"Is everything—"

"I know about you and Padme, Master," she said accusingly, and it was like a weight off her shoulders. Anakin was once again openmouthed, lost for words, and she could've heard a pin drop in their quarters. The terror in his face was unchecked and she could feel his panic through their bond. Angry, she pushed the bond away and crossed her arms.

"Ahsoka…" He ran a hand through his hair, breathing heavily. "I—how? What—?"

"Do you really think I sleep _that_ soundly _all_ the time? That I wasn't ever going to notice you sneaking out? I followed you last week, and it wasn't even hard. And then after when I tried to bring it up you lied right to my face."

"Look, Snips—"

"I'm not an idiot, Master. I didn't really take you for one, either."

"I understand if you tell the Council," Anakin resigned. Somehow this stung her even more.

"Do you think I'm that blindly loyal to the Council that I would betray you without a second thought?" Ahsoka burst out. "Why the hell would I do that? Don't you think I care more about you than that? I'm not going to tell the Council, for Force sake. But it's not fair for you to put me in that position."

Her master sagged in relief. "Ahsoka, I'm _so_ sorry. I can honestly explain."

"I'm not done," she said tightly. "How could you do all this behind my back? Behind Obi-Wan's back and everyone else who trusts you with their life? You lied to me so many times and you didn't think to ever tell me what was going on?"

"I couldn't! I didn't know how. I didn't know how you'd react."

She threw her hands up. "And you thought I was too dumb to catch on."

"I didn't!" he argued. "I figured this conversation would happen sooner or later. I was just avoiding thinking about it."

" _Do you not trust me or something_?" she finally shouted. "You're such a liar!"

"There are some things you don't understand yet—"

"Argh! I'm not a youngling! This could literally get you expelled from the Order!"

"It's a risk I was willing to take when I married her! I don't regret it!" His voice rose defensively. "How do I know what else you're lying to me about? _Just friends_. Sure."

"I'm not lying about anything else and I'm never going to lie to you ever again, Ahsoka," he said, exhausted. His voice was honest and sad. "I made a mistake, alright? I shouldn't have snapped at you earlier this week. I didn't want to put you in the position of having that knowledge because you're supposed to turn me in if that happens. I would be forcing you to make an awful choice and asking you to break the Code. I don't think you're stupid at _all,_ or you wouldn't be my apprentice in the first place."

She stood silently, absorbing it before finally glancing up at him. "She makes you happy, Master. I get it. I want that for you. I just…next time don't lie, okay? And don't get caught. If you got kicked out I wouldn't have a master."

"Is that what this is about?" he inquired, feeling her fear. "I would never leave you, Snips. Not ever. Okay?" Ahsoka met his eyes cautiously, and it struck him yet again that she wasn't a youngling but she was still _young_ , a teenager fighting an adult's cruel war that had forced her to grow up too fast. He was all she had, really.

She smiled, finally. "Okay."

"Good."

"Does this mean you're going to have kids sometime?"

Anakin choked. "What? Force, I don't want to think about that yet. Besides, I don't need more little kids to keep track of."

"Hey!" She cried, punching him.

He laughed. "Race you to breakfast?"

"And _I'm_ the little kid here?" she yelled after him as they broke into a run. "I am _so_ going to beat you."


	3. The Past

**Here's the newest chapter! I'm sorry it's a little shorter, I've been busy and had a slight writer's block during this one. Keep leaving ideas/requests as well as what you think! Thanks so much to everyone who's showed support, and especially to** **Samwise Skywalker** **for this idea, this chapter's for you:-)**

Man, long space trips made Ahsoka so _impatient._

They'd been en route to the Outer Rim for several days now, just Anakin and Ahsoka inside a small standard ship reminiscent of the _Twilight_. There was always plenty to talk about with her master, but they were quickly growing tired, irritable, and anxious for the mission ahead. Their tangles with pirates didn't usually go as planned.

Besides, Ahsoka sensed he was agitated for a different reason—the region they were headed to was in close proximity to Tatooine, the planet he grew up on and definitely had some bad vibes with. The two of them had almost died there a few years back, too, when they were returning Jabba the Hutt's annoying little baby with Dooku in pursuit of them. Her first real mission as a Padawan, and she'd almost failed miserably.

Ahsoka paced the small control deck, having put the ship on autopilot a few minutes ago. The nav stated _four hours remaining_ and at least that meant they were getting close, but for some reason the closeness bothered her even more. Anakin had gone to the back to sleep, and the eerie silence of the cockpit pressed into her. It would be awful to have to go on such a long mission alone, she thought. Vexed or not, she was glad Anakin was with her. She was growing nervous about the pirates, truthfully.

The cockpit door slid open, and Ahsoka jumped. She turned to see a disgruntled Anakin, who definitely hadn't slept in the few hours he'd been back there. Sweat beaded his face, and he looked shaken. "Alright, Master?"

It took him a second to respond. "Hmm? Uh, yeah. Fine. Just a dream," he muttered, throwing himself into the captain's seat. Ahsoka tentatively took a spot next to him.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No!" he snapped, and instead of flinching Ahsoka's eyes hardened.

"You can't avoid telling me forever. You yelled at me that first time on Tatooine and you haven't spoken about it since. Why won't you tell me about your past?"

Anakin stared resolutely out the window, hands tight on the controls. But he remembered how betrayed she'd been when she found out about Padme, the hurt he felt from her. He glanced back over at his apprentice, and she had that same look on her face.

 _No more secrets._

A long pause. "I was born on Tatooine," he began, "and grew up there with my mother." His voice caught on _mother_. "We were slaves, to this scumbag named Watto. Dirt, basically. He was awful to us."

Ahsoka pulled her knees into her chest and listened intently. Anakin appeared pained, but also relieved to finally be speaking of it. This was definitely progress.

"When I was nine, Obi-Wan and his master found me. Sen—Padme was with them, they were protecting her. They needed help, a ship part. I entered a podrace to win the money for it. I won, of course," he said, grinning for half a second, "and as part of Obi-Wan's deal with Watto I also won my freedom. The only thing was, my mother was still a slave. She wanted me to go more than anything and wouldn't take no for an answer. Besides, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon wanted to take me to the Temple, train me. The Council didn't think I was ready, at first. And the prophecy about the Chosen One made them uneasy. But when—when Qui-Gon was killed, his final wish was for Obi-Wan to train me. And he did.

"Leaving my mother behind was one of the hardest things to do. I was so afraid for her, because we were abused so bad there. The slaveowners…they had no regard for life whatsoever. Let's put it that way." Anakin grimaced and Ahsoka could sense his childhood of pain and fear clouding his head. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for the next part.

"I trained until I became a Knight at an unusually young age. I started having nightmares about my mother, that she was being tortured and hurt, but I couldn't tell if they were real or not. By the time I finally got to Tatooine to check on her, she'd been captured by Tusken raiders." His jaw clenched and he fought the shake in his voice. "I found her at their camp but…it was too late. She—she died in my arms. Those animals killed her."

Ahsoka felt sick. She'd always known he had a dark past, but he didn't deserve this. Why did such awful things happen to those that didn't deserve it? "I'm so sorry, Master."

He shook his head, looking nauseous. "That's not the worst part. After she died I…I lost it. I was completely blinded by my grief and rage and I killed them. I murdered the entire village of Tuskens…men, women, children…cut them down like trees. It's the worst thing I've ever done. I should've been expelled from the Order."

She stared at him as she processed everything. She was disturbed to say the least. All his fears, his anger he'd expressed on Tatooine, his enmity towards his home planet suddenly made complete sense. As did why he'd never wanted to discuss his family or if he even had one. He'd seen such loss and pain, no wonder he was less unemotional than the average Jedi.

But it was the past, and now he was her master who cared about her and was _trusting_ her with this information, and she was going to handle it well. "It's in the past, Master. It doesn't change my view of you. I…saying I'm sorry won't fix anything, I know. But I really am sorry you had to go through that."

Anakin continued to stare out the window, deeply troubled, but when he spoke Ahsoka was relieved to hear his voice had changed back to his normal, calm one. "It's all right, Snips."

"I'm glad you told me, you know," she added. "That means a lot."

"It means a lot that you didn't run away and call me a psychotic murderer," he muttered. "Thanks, Snips."

She laughed gently. "Nah, I prefer to insult things like your flying instead."

"What's wrong with my flying?" he cried.

"Exactly!" Ahsoka pointed an accusing finger at her master. "I'm surprised nothing's happened yet today."

"I thought you trusted me," he accused petulantly.

"I do, Master," she said, grinning. "Too much so."


	4. Night

**Thank you all so much for your super nice reviews and amazing requests! Here's one from guest reviewer EJ:-) I've been a little slow writing but I love you guys' ideas and want to keep hearing them! I'm hoping to write some more chapters soon. Thanks guys!**

She'd said she was fine, and he wanted to believe it, but he knew immediately she wasn't.

It was an immense relief for Anakin to have his Padawan back; saying he'd been worried sick would be an understatement. He'd been horrified to discover where she had been, and terrified when the ship landed at the temple and he hadn't seen her at first. But she was there, her tiny form hidden behind one of the Wookies. Her face was fixed in a stoic calm and nothing made him prouder than the fact that she survived because of his teachings.

But as soon as they left the landing bay and approached their quarters, Ahsoka's shoulders slumped and her facade crumbled. He began to see the effect Wasskah had truly had on her, aged her too soon. Her eyes were haunted, and Anakin could only imagine the things she had seen. She'd tell him when she was ready, he knew.

He was glad to see no serious injuries on her, but she looked even thinner than usual, dark circles under her eyes that made her appear almost sickly. She was covered in bruises and scratches and dust. It made him angry, the marks those animals had left on her.

"Ahsoka…"

"I just need some sleep," she told him, avoiding his eyes. "Then I'll be fine." Too tired to even shower, she was asleep the minute her body hit the bed, dirt rubbing off on the sheets. He pulled a blanket over her, eyeing her carefully.

She slept for almost fourteen hours, waking up the next day in time for breakfast looking slightly less battered than before. She picked at her food and said little, attempting to respond to Anakin's conversation but lacking any energy or spirit to do so. She was completely lost in thought, ignoring most of what was going on around them.

"You still seem troubled, Ahsoka," he prodded, feeling the stupidity of the words as they left his mouth. Of course she was troubled. Being left for dead and hunted in the wilderness by savages tended to do that to apprentices.

She was either too exhausted to notice or chose to ignore it, leaving out her usual sarcastic reply. "I'm still a little tired, Master."

"You might want to go to the medbay and have them check you out, just in case," he suggested gently.

"Quit worrying about me," Ahsoka snapped abruptly, eyes flashing as she glared up at him. "It's not making things any better." She pushed her tray away and swept out of the room as Anakin frowned, surprised by her outburst. He didn't blame her, but she must be really bothered—she never got _that_ snippy.

Obi-Wan, entering the mess hall as Ahsoka stormed out, shot Anakin a questioning look as he sat down. "That didn't look pretty."

Anakin let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know what to do. She won't talk to me. I want to help her but I don't know what to do. She's…she's in a lot of pain, Master."

"She just needs time, Anakin," Obi-Wan told him kindly. "Give it a few days or even weeks, and she'll be ready to tell you what she's been through. She trusts you a lot and is going to need your help dealing with all these emotions. It's hard now, but before you know it she'll be back to the Ahsoka we know."

He sure hoped so, because the next night he woke up to a raw, terrified scream and rushed into Ahsoka's room to find her in tears, choking, drowning in fear.

"Ahsoka? Hey. Hey, it's okay," he intoned as he approached calmly, knowing how volatile she could get when not fully conscious. "You're safe. You aren't there anymore."

"Don't make me go back," she whispered desperately, voice cracking. "I don't want to go back. Please…"

He sat down next to her and gently shook her shoulders. "Ahsoka, wake up. You're safe."

She seemed to gasp and pull out of her nightmare, for the first time fully aware of his presence. "Oh, Master," she said, trying to stifle the sobs that pulled at her mouth, "it's all my fault."

He rubbed her arms, murmuring, "None of it was your fault, Snips. None of it."

"But it was!" she cried. "Khalifa…she had almost escaped. I was helping her get to safety because she was hurt. And…and then they shot her, because I wasn't fast enough. They shot her and she died, right there in my arms."

A chill ran through him, because maybe there was "no death, just the Force" but it didn't make seeing the light leave someone's eyes while in your arms any easier. Force, he knew that too well. And she was too young to know, too young see something like that.

"I'm sorry, Ahsoka," is all he could bring himself to say. "I'm so sorry." He wrapped his arm around her and held her tightly as she shook.

A few minutes later, she attempted in vain to dry her tears as she looked up at him. "I'm sorry I woke you, Master," she said miserably. A thin cast of moonlight shone through the window and on her face, highlighting the leftover scrapes across her face and a nasty bruise still healing on her cheek. A short burst of anger went through him at the Jedi teachings that would frown upon this outburst of emotion that she had no control over because she was so traumatized. Jedi were supposed to just _get over_ these things. Force. Sometimes he really did doubt their teachings.

The wall clock read three in the morning and his body clamored for sleep but he couldn't care less that she'd woken him. "Don't be sorry. Do you want to talk any more about it?"

Slowly she shook her head. "Maybe later," she murmured. "But I don't think I'll be going back to sleep anytime soon."

He frowned. "You need the rest. You look awful. No offense," he added at her annoyed side glance. "But, I mean, I understand. Do you want a drink?"

She nodded halfheartedly, but the gesture was kind. She watched him leave the room and come back in a few minutes with two cups of tea, handing one to her and sitting back down. A long, comfortable silence settled around them until Ahsoka spoke, tentatively.

"I shouldn't have gotten mad at you yesterday," she started, and before he could wave her apology away she broke into a further explanation. "I…I've just needed some time to sort through my emotions. They definitely got messed up on Wasskah. I was trying to be a leader but also being constantly hunted and it was exhausting, and there was the death and the fear and I didn't know what to think. I just saw a lot of things I didn't really want to see, I guess."

"You couldn't have done anything," Anakin told her softly, absorbing this. "You know that."

"It doesn't matter whose fault it is," she protested, agitated, "because I still can't get it out of my head and I feel like those hunters are still watching my every move! Like they're going to jump out from somewhere and cut off my head and add to their collection. It makes me sick." She pressed her face into her hands and rubbed her eyes. "Force."

"I know. I know what's that's like." Every day he worried that Ahsoka was growing too much like him. That sooner or later it was going to backfire. But it's a good thing, too, because he understood the nightmares and the fear and the doubt that preyed on her. It preyed on him, too.

So he went in to reassure her every night she woke up, which for the first few weeks was a lot, and he made sure she wasn't given any missions until she was ready and he kept an extra close eye on her. She slowly became less tense, less exhausted, less chronically troubled. He knew the old Ahsoka was gone, possibly for good, but he also knew that a better one was in the making.

He also knew it was time to start planning his revenge on the Trandoshans.


	5. Crash

**Happy Leap Day! Hope this makes your Monday a little better, I had a good writing day yesterday. This is based off of guest reviewer Sunny's request! And don't worry, I'll be working on everyone else's as soon as I can. Keep sending in your ideas & enjoy chapter 5. **

The ship jolted out of hyperspace, and Ahsoka frowned as her master laid out the battle formation to her and the troops. Hadn't they talked about a different strategy prior? This was bound to end up worse.

"Ahsoka will take squadron A around the flank of the Separatist ship and take out the—"

"Master, I thought we decided a full-frontal attack would be more efficient than splitting up." The interruption caused several clones to shift uneasily, anticipating the row that would follow between the two Jedi. It happened more than Ahsoka would like to admit.

Anakin stiffened slightly, a movement only Ahsoka noticed as he pressed on. "Well, we're splitting up now and I'm taking my squadron straight into it. We need your fleet to attack from the side—"

"We'll do more damage if we all attack as one! Your fleet won't have enough to get through—"

"We will if _your_ fleet does what you're supposed to." His voice was a little too calm.

"But—"

"We'll be fine, Ahsoka," he glared, before glancing over her at the clones. "Get to your stations and wait for my command. Dismissed."

They shuffled off, and Anakin hurried around the hologram maps to his apprentice, pulling her aside. "What is it with you?" he queried sharply. " _I'm_ in charge here, and I don't need you talking back in front of the men! Not before a big battle like this!"

"Well you _changed_ the strategy right before and the new plan isn't as good!" she protested, crossing her arms.

"Plans change, Snips, and you need to learn to be flexible. And listen to orders without questioning them, for once," he stressed in an exhausted tone. "Just follow orders. We're all expected to do it."

"But you don't have enough fighters! You'll be shot out of the sky!" Ahsoka exclaimed, voice rising in agitation. "Let me at least help you—"

"No, Ahsoka! That's an order!" he snapped. She fell silent in sullen anger—she couldn't help herself from arguing with him because they always disagreed, but she hated when he yelled at her.

Anakin opened his mouth to deliver another reprimand, but the ominous _boom_ of another, larger ship exiting hyperspace and the ensuing explosions cut him off. "The Separatists are here. Get to your fighter now and _stick to the plan_."

Still stewing, Ahsoka rushed to her ship, dodging clones running to their battle stations. The Separatist ship, armed with a new superweapon the Jedi had been charged with destroying, was already laying siege to their ship.

Ahsoka swung into the cockpit, adrenaline pumping as she buckled up and began shouting orders to her fleet. Powering up, she soared out of the bay and into the melee.

The Separatist leviathan loomed before her, an enormous black machine that made her uneasy. She positioned her guns and dived into battle, glancing over her shoulder and confirming with the other clones in her ranks. They soared through space, dodging bombs and large cannon blasts as well as droids that flew around too fast for Ahsoka's liking. Finally, they made it to the flank and rear, fortunately without losing any of their fighters.

"Give 'em all you've got, boys," Ahsoka commanded, and they did. But even as minutes passed and they inflicted damage, the danger of the Separatist fire and droids became greater and the ship didn't budge much. The flank wasn't the weakness, she realized, it was the front.

 _Just like I said, Master,_ she thought stubbornly. She pressed her comm, only-slightly-panicked, and shouted, "They just keep coming, Master! We aren't making any progress over here!"

"Stay there!" his voice commanded back, and Ahsoka could hear close explosions. "We need fighters where you are—ah! Dammit. Stay where you are."

"We're going to get shot down if someone doesn't help you over there!" Anger was rising in her chest again, the heat of the battle clouding her judgment.

"Ahsoka—"

"Fives! Left side of the formation! Follow me. We're going to the prow to help them out before we all die." Without bothering to wait for her master's reply, she jerked the controls and headed to the front of the enemy ship, letting the clones go in front of her. She flanked them, shooting down stray droids that escaped their notice. To her pleasure they began making progress, the Separatist ship groaning as sections of it burst into flames.

"Ahsoka, what the hell?" Her Master's voice cut through her short success.

"You needed _help_!" She yelled, fuming.

"Now _all the droids_ are attacking us here instead of splitting up! Split formation!" Anakin shouted both at her and the other pilots. Ahsoka made a noise of indignation as she pulled to the left, spiraling away from a vulture droid intent on following her. The chase that ensued finally ended in her flipping over and getting a good shot in.

"Ha!" Ahsoka sneered as it disintegrated. "Serves you ri—"

Too late, she heard the ringing noise of another droid firing at her as it hit her fighter, sweeping by in a blink. Ahsoka shouted in surprise and covered her head, the impact slamming her to the side, and the controls immediately began to freeze up. The world twisted up and down as her fighter spiraled out of control.

Frantic expletives as she attempted to regain control. When she finally righted herself at least a little bit, vertigo swamping her, she heard Anakin's distant voice shouting in her ear. Ahsoka was determined to hold it together, even though the ship was basically out of commission and her body screamed from the collision. "I'm hit, Master. Ship's going down." Through her blurring vision she made out a nearby small planet and, grunting, forced the locking controls towards it. "I'll try to land it as best I—agh!" Another shot hit the back of her fighter, and she hoped to the Force she wouldn't combust before she could even crash land.

Picking up speed, she broke through the atmosphere to a temperate, normal-looking planet with vast stretches of isolated grasslands. At least it wasn't the tundra, she thought vaguely, and a pain somewhere in her body made her wince.

Ahsoka pulled up using the last of her strength, arms aching, so that instead of smashing head-on into the ground, she'd at least not explode on impact. A chance at survival, though the odds were grim. She could sense she was injured but knew she wouldn't stay conscious long enough to figure it out.

Her master's voice from her comm sounded as if it were underwater, and she didn't know if he was shouting her name or reprimanding her but probably both and he would be so angry and how was she going to survive—

The ship slammed into the ground going Force knew how fast, and Ahsoka's world went black.

—

Ahsoka woke gradually to the smell of smoke stinging her nose and heat pulsing on her face. Her throat burned, and she coughed in an attempt to breathe normally despite the dust clogging the air. With a groan, she forced her eyes open and stared at the wreck dazedly.

 _Sorry, master. Scrapped another ship,_ she thought dryly. The fighter was on its side, sparks flying both inside and out, and she knew she needed to get out of it before it exploded. Her head pounded from where it had apparently hit the control board, and a painful gash ran across her shoulder. With each breath she took, a jolt of pain shot through her chest. Various other cuts and developing bruises covered her, and she grimaced.

The cockpit was half-crumpled, littered with loose pieces of metal and debris. With shaking fingers she snapped open what remained of her safety harness and attempted to steady herself as she slid towards the exit, doubling over as coughs wracked her body.

The ship creaked ominously and Ahsoka threw herself out of it onto the ground, dragging herself away so she wasn't blown to bits, and she was barely fifteen feet away when it exploded into a roaring ball of fire. Army-crawling away until she found a rock to lean against, she attempted to catch her breath while assessing her communicator.

The wrist comm somehow hadn't been smashed in the crash, and Ahsoka pressed it repeatedly as it stuttered. "This is Commander Tano," she rasped. "Is anyone there?"

A second of static, then, "Ahsoka! Are you all right? What's your status?" Anakin's voice, no longer mad. Music to her disoriented ears.

"I crashed on a nearby planet. My ship's gone." She didn't mention that she was pretty sure she'd broken at least three ribs and could barely stand. "I could use a ride."

"Stay put and keep your locator on. I'll send a transport right away." The sound cut out, and she sighed, knowing that in the heat of the battle a rescue could take a while. The edges of her vision blurred and she rubbed her eyes, trying to shake it off. Her body screamed for water and pain meds.

At some point, Ahsoka slumped over and slipped into a semiconsciousness, swimming in pain. She had no idea how much time had passed, but suddenly someone was shaking her awake, and her eyes fluttered open painfully. "Commander?"

"Rex," she said weakly. "Good to see you." He always did seem to find her in these embarrassing critical situations.

He nodded, and Ahsoka realized it was almost dusk. "Let's get you out of here, sir."

He put her arm over his shoulders and helped her slowly to her feet. Every movement made Ahsoka flinch, the discomfort of her injuries somehow worse than before she'd passed out. She tried unsuccessfully to hold back several _ouch_ es and barely heard the captain speaking to her or Anakin on his comm.

Before she knew it she was seated on the transport and Rex was handing her a canteen. She got a few small sips before the effort made her ribs protest, and she gasped. "Force," she muttered. She would be out of commission for days.

Rex was practically carrying her by the time they reached the ship, and Anakin rushed over as soon as he saw them, face drawn taut with worry. "Thanks for bringing her back, Rex."

"Of course, sir." He saluted and hurried off, and Anakin caught her as she stumbled.

"You did _not_ __tell me you were this bad," he told her, supporting most of her weight. "Oh, so now it's _my_ fault," Ahsoka grumbled, teeth gritted. "Like the crash technically was."

"No one said that."

"I was mad during the battle but if I had listened to you—"

"I'm just glad you're alright, Snips," he interrupted. "Okay? We can talk about this later. Let's get you to a doctor, ASAP."

The room tilted, and Ahsoka gripped the front of his shirt as a wave of nausea hit her. "Okay," she muttered. "Yeah, that's probably best." Sweat beaded her forehead from the effort of standing. She swayed again, and this time Anakin resorted to carrying his barely awake apprentice, swinging her up into his arms.

Ahsoka closed her eyes, falling asleep somewhere along the way, and before she knew it they were in the medbay and her torso was wrapped in bandages along with her shoulder. The medical droid was talking to Anakin, who didn't look _too_ worried—always a good sign.

He dismissed the droid and hurried to her bedside. "You've been out for a few hours, but you look better. Two broken ribs and three bruised ones, concussion, some other scrapes. You'll be fine," he added, though it seemed more for his sake than hers. The chaos of the battle earlier that day came back to her, and she glanced up at her master nervously.

"I disobeyed you today. Again." It wasn't a question; she knew very well what had happened.

"Yes, you did. _Again_." He rolled his eyes, and she braced herself for the oncoming admonishment. "It was disobedient and foolish. I can't stand when you talk back to me in front of the troops, because it makes them uneasy and question my decision making. Not to mention you're extremely lucky to be have survived that crash. It's a miracle you weren't killed, Snips. But…" he added, and she looking up in surprised hope, "without that half of your squadron, I don't think we would have won that one. In the very least we wouldn't have damaged their hyperspace capabilities or weaponry enough to make any lasting impact. Their ship's sitting out in space now, dead and burning and extremely vulnerable. So I wouldn't worry about it."

"Really?"

He smiled at her. "Really. I'm just glad you're alright."

"Well, I learned my crash-landing skills from the best," Ahsoka teased.

Anakin was about to protest when his comm beeped. Sighing, he answered it as he glared at his Padawan.

"General Skywalker, we need you on the bridge, sir."

"I'm on my way, Rex," he told the captain.

Then, turning to Ahsoka as he headed out, he winked and called, "Gotta go finish what you started, Snips. I'll send the Separatists your love."


	6. Postmortis

**Hi everyone! Sorry for the wait, but here is the newest chapter based on what I think could've happened after the events on Mortis as our favorite pair try and get over it:-) Reviews and requests are always welcome and greatly appreciated. Thank you!**

The question came when he wasn't expecting it, although he knew it wouldn't be long.

"Why won't you tell me what happened on Mortis?" Ahsoka drummed her fingers on the control board impatiently and glared with suspicion at him. Anakin tried to shake the vision of her yellow-eyed self trying to kill him as he piloted the ship.

He didn't want to talk about it. The whole experience on Mortis had been a mess, rattled him far more than he cared to admit, forced him to question everything. The scene of his apprentice turning to the Dark Side and then literally dying in front of him was one that had haunted him since. What if the Sister hadn't sacrificed herself to bring Ahsoka back? What if the Son had taken Ahsoka away forever, and there was no way to turn her back to normal?

His hands unconsciously tightened on the controls, and Ahsoka threw hers up in frustration. "You've been acting so odd and Obi-Wan won't tell me because he says _you_ need to talk to me about it and I can barely remember _anything_ about the whole planet!"

"Maybe it's better that way, Snips, have you ever thought about that?" he snapped.

She barely flinched. "I have a right to know what happened! What the hell made me not remember? What happened that I forgot?"

He clenched his jaw and stood his ground, for once forgetting to scold her for her language. "Ahsoka…"

"Just tell me! It's just this big blank spot in my mind like a black hole…" She trailed off, and Anakin could sense her apprehension, waves of confusion and anxiety sweeping through her Force signature. "I _need_ to know. It's bothering me so much."

Anakin turned the ship on autopilot and sighed, finally turning to face his apprentice with reluctance. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"We got sucked into Mortis. And the Daughter talked to us. We got separated…Oh." Ahsoka paled visibly as she recalled something awful. "I saw a vision. Of the future. Oh, Master, it was awful." He was startled to see her hands shake as she dropped her eyes from his, something that registered as fear coming from her through the Force. She drew her knees up into her chest and wrapped her arms around them, a gesture he knew she had long tried to abandon because she was constantly trying not to look childish. But that was the thing—she _was_ a child, a teenager forced to do things and make decisions many adults didn't even have to. The war had aged Ahsoka, and it truly disturbed him sometimes. She was barely sixteen, after all. She'd grown taller, matured, and she was no longer the scrawny little kid who annoyed him on Christophsis, but she was still so young, so innocent.

He didn't want to tell her about Mortis because it would hurt her and Force, that was the thing he feared most. That his teachings and guidance and actions wouldn't be enough to protect her from the galaxy, from the war. That he would ultimately fail to save her, like his mother.

"What…" he cleared his throat and tried to sound more sure of himself. "What was it of?" He had a feeling he knew; he couldn't get his own visions out of his head, images of the Dark Side that kept him from sleeping at night.

But she shook her head regretfully. "I can't tell you." She appeared as if a heavy weight were pressed on her thin shoulders. "Things about the…future. I still don't know what to make of it."

He waited, in case she changed her mind, but still met silence. His turn to talk, then. "When we were leaving Mortis, the first time," he began, choosing his words carefully, "the Brother stole aboard our ship and kidnapped you. Do you remember that?"

Ahsoka frowned, her features lost in concentration. "Vaguely. I have this swirl of memories but some of them aren't real."

"Well, he basically took you so we couldn't leave. We chased him, but failed at first. He took you prisoner before we could find you. And he did something to you…"

Ahsoka nearly shot out of her seat in alarm, grasping the possible scenarios of what that could mean. Her face twisted in disgust. " _What_?"

"Oh, force no. Not like that. Sorry," he said quickly, stomach turning at the thought of someone ever doing that to her. They would be dead before they knew what hit them. "I don't know how, but he turned you to the Dark Side."

Ahsoka blanched. "I—I was a Sith?"

"I suppose," he answered hesitantly. "The Son wanted you to kill me, I guess, and take the sword from us to use for himself. You were asking all these creepy things and fighting me and Obi-Wan. You had no control, Ahsoka, you have to understand that," he added, sensing her horror. "Your eyes were gold like a Sith, you were going full-out trying to beat us. It wasn't like you were partially controlled by the Son, or fighting the influence and could've won. It was like…your complete dark self." Anakin thought with chills of her high-pitched, mocking voice, her too-bright eyes, the sickly tint of her skin.

 _He's right. Right about everything._

"I…I could've killed one of you," she whispers, horrified. "What if I had killed you? Or Obi-Wan?"

Anakin gave a forced smile. "You really think you could beat me, Snips?" But the joke fell flat, and they both knew it. Ahsoka knew all of his fighting techniques like the back of her hand, had shown no mercy and was far more powerful as a Sith. One wrong move and she easily could've ended him or Obi-Wan.

"Did I hurt you? Did I come anywhere near injuring either of you?" Her eyes are desperate.

"No, Ahsoka," he reassures. His hand rests on her knee. "You didn't. I promise. We held you off. Besides, the Son…"

He grimaced. He'd had many nightmares since it happened, when he had literally felt Ahsoka disappear from the Force as she fell dead to the ground, lightsaber dropping from her palm. Her eyes, blank and white and unseeing, gone, seemingly forever.

His voice is suddenly hoarse. "He killed you."

A chill ran through her. "He _killed_ me?"

"You died, Ahsoka," he managed. "You gave him the sword, and he said you were no longer useful to him. He…he just touched your forehead and you collapsed. I felt you die." It came rushing back to him at nauseating speed, and he ran his hands over his face. "The Son stabbed the Daughter, and she was dying too. I…I begged the Father to do something. He refused, but the Sister chose to give her last breath to you. She brought you back."

A pang went through her. "She died because of me," Ahsoka stated quietly.

"She was dying anyway, she chose to transfer her life to you—"

"No, _I_ gave him the sword and he killed her with it! It wouldn't have happened without me!" She burst out. "She didn't do anything wrong, she was the _Light_ side, and—"

"You were under the Dark side's control!" Anakin cut in, voice rising. He wanted to be talking about anything but this nightmarish experience. "Force, Ahsoka, get over yourself. You weren't strong enough to resist him, none of us were! You were completely overtaken!"

"Were you scared of me or something? Is that why you've been looking at me like I'm a ghost for the past month?" She was yelling now, accusatorially, distress projecting itself into anger at him. "It was completely unfair to keep something like this from me!"

 _I don't need you anymore._

"I had to!" He exclaimed. "You weren't ready yet, you still aren't ready! You needed—"

"Argh!" she exploded. "I am not a _youngling_! I'm not some fragile _thing_ you need to make decisions for!"

"You _are_ young and turning to the Dark side is something anyone would be disturbed about! I didn't want—"

"This isn't about me! This is about _you_." She points at him furiously. " _You_ are so attached to me that me dying disturbed you and you didn't want to talk about it because maybe not talking about it makes it not real! You couldn't handle it! You can't pretend Mortis didn't happen, Anakin—"

"That's enough!" Anakin roared, and she recoiled and fell silent. He drew several deep breaths and attempted to regain his composure as his apprentice studied the ground meekly, realizing she had once again let her temper get the best of her. Maybe she was right, but Padawans had gotten into serious trouble for saying less to their masters. She wasn't supposed to question him, she knew. She had way overstepped the line.

Uncomfortable, fragile tension hung in the air. Anakin knew she was right; he hadn't told her because he didn't want to remember it. He wanted it to disappear forever and he wanted to shield her from it. He didn't want her to have the nightmares he had.

Finally, he spoke again. "It messed me up. That whole planet. Everything. I saw awful things that weren't real, like you, and then I saw awful _real_ things like you dying and I wanted to pretend like it never happened. I thought I could hide it all away so you didn't have to remember it."

She nodded sadly. "I needed to know. But now that I do know, I wonder if I would have been better off." Her gaze was a million lightyears away, and she mumbled, "I have enough nightmares already."

"I know." he admitted. Their ship flew by a small, brilliant cluster of stars. "I should have told you right away." His way of apologizing.

"I shouldn't have yelled at you," she conceded. "Padawans aren't supposed to do that."

He chuckled. "Since when have we ever followed the rules, Snips?"

Ahsoka felt a smile creep across her face despite herself. At the end of the day, he would still be her master, the one person who wouldn't let her down. His actions always came down to protecting her and doing what he thought was for her good. It was pretty hard to stay angry at him. "We don't."

He winked at her as he switched the ship off of autopilot and grabbed the controls again. "Exactly. We both screw up a lot. We'll get over it together, alright? I'm here for you."

Her answer was sarcastic, but her eyes twinkled. "Whatever you say, Master."


	7. Bruises

**Hi guys! I'm sorry it's been a while, and sorry this may not be a requested chapter or an extremely eventful one. I have several others in progress, I'm just having trouble finishing them and school is crazy right now with AP exams starting this week. After that, I will have much more time.**

 **Thank you for your continued support! Reviews are very, very much welcomed.**

 **This one is set after "Duel of the Droids" from all the way back in Season 1.**

As soon as the cruiser took off, tearing away from the crumbling Seperatist ship, Ahsoka braced herself for the reprimand she knew was coming.

Truthfully, she had known engaging Grievous was a stupid idea. She could have stayed with her troopers and called for backup. She _could_ have avoided him successfully and called in her master for help. But…the cyborg made her angry. He thought he was so high and mighty, killing Jedi as he pleased, invincible. She had _wanted_ __to call out, to annoy him, to face him in combat. She didn't want to rely on a higher Jedi to defeat him. Maybe she'd overestimated herself, but she'd kept most of the clones safe. And she'd emerged fine, although barely. Her arms stung with scrapes and her throat ached with new bruises. She could still feel the cold, cruel metal fingers closing around her neck, the sensation of having her breath crushed from her.

What would have happened if the bombs hadn't gone off at that moment? Would he have ended her?

Ahsoka wouldn't admit it out loud, but she did regret it. She had definitely been scared as she fought him, a hulking machine with four sabers ready to decapitate her in an instant. But she hadn't been with Anakin long—Christophsis was only months ago—and she was still so desperate to prove herself, to appear as strong as possible, invincible, even. They had grown to trust each other immensely, but it had only been a few months. There was so much to learn.

"What," Anakin began heatedly as he entered the cargo hold and shut it behind him, "in the Force's name possessed you to leave your squad and take on a Separatist cyborg who's killed a dozen Jedi _alone_?"

"It was either that or face him _with_ my squad and get them all dismembered!" Ahsoka shot back. "I didn't have a choice—"

"Yes, you did," he ranted, "and you chose to send _your clone captain_ and your _entire_ squad away so you could have yourself a little duel! Were you even _thinking_? A Jedi _Master_ wouldn't have done that, let alone a Padawan!"

"It's not like I haven't faced Seperatists before!" she protested in an annoyed tone. "I was trying to distract him from the rest of the troops aboard! And you!"

" _I_ would have been fine!"

Ahsoka stood up from the cargo bench in agitation. "You had to get Artoo! I bought you time!"

"By foolishly risking your life!" he barked, and she winced. "You're so lucky you weren't killed, do you realize that? He could've skewered you and added your lightsaber to his wall collection."

"But he didn't!" she protested.

"It doesn't matter, you can't keep making these rash decisions by yourself that don't go along with the rest of the team because you think you can save the day!" His voice grew louder and louder. "You can't just make your own orders!"

"You can't just decide every single thing I do!" Ahsoka snapped. "You're such a control freak!"

"Well I sort of _have_ to be, as a _general_!"

"Well, you could let me make some choices by myself!" she retorted defensively. "How else am I gonna learn?"

"You need to _learn_ to follow orders!"

"Maybe you should be more flexible!"

"Maybe you should simply _listen_ and quit making idiotic decisions, Snips!"

"You're always like this!" she cried in frustration, throwing her hands up. "After every mission! And before we go the entire team practically has to convince you to let me go off without you and you always get so mad if I even slightly stray and you want me right next to you the whole time because you think I'm too weak to keep myself from getting killed!" She finally stopped to take a breath and opened her mouth to resume her furious ranting, but Anakin cut her off again.

"Well, keeping you alive is exhausting!" he snarled, teeth clenched. His eyes shifted downwards to her neck, and his eyes narrowed then widened. "Did he get you in a _chokehold_?"

Ahsoka stepped backwards and made a vain attempt to shrug it off. "I fell." The lie was empty, the dark claw marks betraying her.

"Like hell you did! Force, Ahsoka, you were so close to being killed—" He was shaking now, and as she was about to yell at him again she realized with a start that he wasn't just _angry_ —he was upset. Scared.

Because of her?

Because she almost died?

The understanding hit her like a speeder, and the stubbornness drained from her nearly instantly. She had just thought he was mad at her for not obeying orders—it hadn't occurred to her that he was angry because of the harm it could've put her in. Why would it? That's not how the Jedi worked. That's not how a war worked—you cared about technicalities, strategies, battle stats. Not people.

She realized he was still scolding her, and now that she knew what she was looking for she saw the concern in his eyes. "I'm sorry, okay?"

Anakin stopped, surprised by the outburst. "You—what?"

"You should be upset because I could've endangered Artoo and led Grevious right to the plans. We could've lost, because I didn't follow orders. It would have been devastating to the Republic if Artoo's drive had gotten into Separatist hands." Her voice was small now. "But you aren't. You're mad because by disobeying orders I almost died today."

He sighed deeply, running a hand over his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I am. I know you're a capable Jedi, Snips, but Grievous is a monster. He's so powerful. A lot of people aren't a match for him. Most aren't. And when Rex told me you were alone with him I—well, I just—"

"You assumed the worst," Ahsoka stated softly.

He nodded wearily. "I was so scared, Snips. I felt helpless. I couldn't get there to fight him with you, and it was the worst feeling in the world."

A heavy silence cloaked the cockpit. Ahsoka could practically see the weight of today pressing down on her Master—he looked incredibly strained, exhausted. Maybe this was why attachments were forbidden.

"I'm just not used to anyone actually caring whether I live or not, I suppose," she admitted. "I'm so sorry, Master. Really. I didn't mean to do that to you."

Anakin did something then that surprised her—she suddenly felt his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. She bristled at the unexpected contact at first. Jedi weren't supposed to _hug_ each other, and no one ever had to her. And yet—

Yet it was so comforting and it made her feel so _safe_ , and she couldn't just push it away because it was tight, like he was afraid she'd be whisked away from him, and it was warm. She didn't remember the last time a gesture like this had been given to her.

"Please don't do it again, Snips," he muttered, and she knew instantly that the anger was gone. She no longer needed to prove herself to him. He cared about her no matter what, it seemed, and it was a new feeling but a good one.

Maybe attachments weren't all bad.


End file.
